It’s official, I can confirm categorically that we do not HAVE to eat every single last crumb of the enormous plate of food that some well-meaning individual has just placed in front of us.
We don’t even have to say yes when someone offers us a blasted canape – even if it’s one of those totally sublime little dollops of something fishy inside a fluffy pastry cup. This is one of those rare moments in life when it is actually possible to JUST SAY NO.
The chef is not going to throw his hat on the floor and, pausing only to unleash a torrent of abuse in your direction, storm out of the kitchen all sulky and offended if there are some scraps left on the plate. Your mother is not going to sob and wail and clutch at her rosary if you refuse an extra helping of her dreamy cannelloni she’s lovingly made for you. Saying “no thanks” and politely putting your knife and fork together does not make you look like an ungrateful snot bag who a) doesn’t like the meal that’s been placed before them and b) doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the time it’s taken for them to prepare it.
Now, it might seem like an obvious point, but is it? Is it really? I suspect the vast majority of us harbour these peculiar beliefs – that it’s just plain rude not to gobble up everything someone has prepared for us and then, just to show we reeeeeally loved it, ask for more. I mean, if we don’t do that, how will they know we appreciate their effort???
This is the kind of crazy thinking that gets us ladies into so much trouble.
You don’t even have to eat all of the cookies that your hubby lovingly bought for you, knowing how much you love those crumbly chocolate-studded scoundrels. Because seriously, newsflash: no one is affected by what you choose or do not choose to eat, except you.
Over the years we build up these web of eating behaviors, all encouraged by our lower brain – who exists to help you live with more ease, by turning repeated behaviours into automatic behaviours – and that has led us to the point where we joke constantly about being obsessed with food. Actually we don’t just joke about it, we are completely obsessed by food.
Not being able to say not to a hunk of cheese on a cracker when the cheeseboard is passed around has become as much a part of our identity as being a wife or Oriental rug fan. BUT, it doesn’t have to be this way. We don’t have to cling to this cheese loving identity if it’s one that’s not doing us any favours (namely tummy rolls).
The truth is, we can change the way we see ourselves and present ourselves to the outside world, on a pin. We are allowed to be a small eater. We can transcend our current, unhelpful network of thought that’s created this image of ourselves as the one who can’t go five minutes without ramming their hand into the cookie barrel. We can simply be the one who isn’t that bothered about food. WE CAN LET THE COOKIES GO STALE.
Listen babes, we don’t have to force food down our gullets for fear of offending the person who cooked it. We can give ourselves permission to be a small eater.
No one minds what you eat. And while there might be some eye-rolling and a chorus of “yeah, right” when you begin to assert yourself as a small-eater, your subsequent behaviours and actions (AKA saying “no thanks” and politely declining the extra food you don’t need) will soon ensure you’re taken seriously.
What I’m trying to say is, don’t think you have to be “the gannet” because it’s expected.
You are accidentally a big-eater because of how our brains work (namely turning everything we do over and over into an automatic response so we can do it even easier next time), but you can consciously choose to remove that part of your identity. You can sit with the uncomfortable feeling of saying “no thanks” for a few seconds, and the uncomfortable feeling will pass.
Say it with me, I AM NOT A BIG-EATER.
Say it out loud and proud, I AM NOT A BIG-EATER.
I don’t care if you’re 300 pounds and can barely wipe you’re on backside, I AM NOT A BIG EATER, say it, think it and say it once more for good measure.
Don’t let other people’s expectations decide your future.
Don’t let your past behaviour dictate your future.
Because the truth is, you have the choice to choose different thinking, every single moment. And the magical part is, when you recognise that choice? You’re free.
Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash