I need to make you aware of something but I don’t want you to get all depressed and shouty and weepy, because actually, it’s a hugely positive thing and it’s only at first – like maybe a few weeks of being the new you – that you won’t be able to see that.
Promise you won’t get all incensed and baity? Okay, well here goes … if you want to rid yourself of food torment, you have to stop getting excited about food. Meaning food has to not really be something you pay that much attention to.
Now I know we live in a society that’s ALL! ABOUT! THE! FOOD! ALL! THE! TIME! so this feels like a tricky pill to swallow, but remember, society is also fucking fat. We seem to have lost our way somewhere, from food being a source of sustenance to it becoming our raison d’etre. I mean helloooo food blogs, anyone!? How many of them are littering the web d’ya think?
The truth of the matter is we don’t need to cook like the lovechild of Nigella and Jamie. Our weeknight meals don’t need to be instagrammable. We don’t need to feel chest-bursting excitement every time we sit down to a meal. We can eat fried cabbage and a chicken breast sometimes, or a soup that took 15 minutes to make and involved marmite. In fact, not only CAN we do this, we MUST do this… if we’re going to drop the obsession.
With this in mind I want to draw your attention to a very particular feeling that you’re going to need to embrace and not fight against, that’s going to crop up frequently, especially at the beginning of you kicking your food issues into touch.
Picture the scene: you’ve had a shitty week. Nothing went according to plan. There was car trouble, you fell off the curb and buggered up your ankle, your child was a little shit, work was a disaster and to cap it all off, the button popped off your coat and that means you’re going to have buy a needle and thread and fix it yourself because if you give it to someone else to do you’ll look like a fake grown-up. It’s all OK though because hubs has announced you’re going out to lunch – woo hoo!
You start thinking about what you’re going to have…. the usual – a burger. They do the best burgers there. I haven’t been out for ages, I’m so excited to drink wine, eat fries and be merry, wait, fuck, hang on a minute, I’m only feeling my thinking here. That means there’s no point me having a burger, I should just have something healthy, otherwise I’m never going to reach my two stone weight loss goal.
And all of a sudden that elated feeling pops like a water balloon all over your mood, because a tuna fucking salad doesn’t have quite the same ring to it as a big fat juicy burger with a nest of fries. I mean, yes of course it’s lovely to go out for lunch, but if you’re only going to be having a salad or a soup, you can’t help but wonder, what’s the fucking point?
This elated to depressed feeling that comes on as quick as a flash is the feeling you have to embrace if you want to be free of your food crazy. How do you do that? Easy…
- Recognise it’s thought you’re experiencing
- Recognise depressed thinking is creating the depressed feeling
- Remember that thought is transient and will pass if you let it
- Remember that thought can’t hurt you and therefore doesn’t matter
- Realise you are resilient enough to handle uncomfortable feelings
- Recognise you need to experience uncomfortable feelings and do NOTHING with them to stop them coming around.
- Realise you should actually be grateful for this moment
- Admit you ARE actually quite grateful for this moment
- Realise you are an all-powerful being with complete control over your mind, your behaviour and your lunch plate
- Acknowledge that as an all-powerful being with complete control over your mind, your behaviour and your lunch plate, you are going to be thin (very shortly) and most likely rich too.
- Then LAUGH MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Then go put on your lippy and have a good time.
And honestly, eating a salad knowing you are an all-powerful being with complete control over your mind, behaviour and lunch plate makes for a more enjoyable lunch experience than a simple calorie-fest ever could. And trust me, you’ll be thanking your crusty socks later that you made the right decision when you realise the moment’s passed anyway, so what the dang did it matter whether you filled your face earlier with a slab of beef mince and twice fried fries, of a bit of hard boiled egg and an anchovy.
Anyway, you’ll enjoy the salad when it arrives – healthy food is like evening classes, you can’t really be arsed to go but once you’re there, you’re glad you made the effort. So here’s to a (not so) depressingly healthy lunching. MWAH XX
Photo by Ryan Moreno on Unsplash