I’ve something to reveal to you. If you go into a panic because it’s close to supper time and you aren’t yet hungry because you ate a bit more than you meant to at lunch (or picked at your kids’ leftovers at tea-time), then you are a compulsive eater.
See, compulsive eaters can’t skip meals. Ever. Which means that when it’s nearing another meal time and they’re not hungry, they get all pissy and stressed because they know they’re going to eat anyway, which means that today is not going to be a weight-loss day, and for a compulsive eater who is completely obsessed with their weight, this is a calamity.
Eating because of a yearn to eat as opposed to eating because of genuine hunger is compulsive eating. The yearn is a very particular feeling. It’s like an urge. It’s what makes us virtually run to get our lunch. It often comes on while we’re eating, especially if what we’re eating involves bread or pasta or rice. If we’re eating a plate of steamed broccoli, it’s different. Once we’re full, we’re full. With the white foods however, it’s like the hunger hole never closes. It remains steadfastly open, encouraging and inviting us to just keep shovelling it in.
I know all of this because this was me. Whatever weird and wacky eating behaviours you’ve engaged in, believe me I’ve done them too.
The life of a compulsive eater isn’t that easy. It revolves entirely around food. Mornings are for surviving while we wait for lunch time to arrive. The afternoons are the same. There’s usually some kind of internal battle that goes on from around 3pm to 5pm each day when we want to eat again, can’t decide if it’s because of hunger and greed and then fight with ourselves over what to do about it. It’s hard to concentrate on anything when we’re hungry, even our favourite TV show. Like, we can’t just sit there and watch for 20 minutes and then go and cook, we have to go and cook NOW – otherwise the experience of watching our show is something else that’s ruined and we need to get our kicks where we can.
Oh the trials we go through. It feels kind of ridiculous even putting all this down but this is what it’s like. And it fucking sucks.
It’s like meal times and snack times are the markers of the day, and everything else has to be fitted in around that. It makes us feel like lunatics at best, weak-willed, gluttonous lunatics at worst. Nobody else seems to battle the way we do, so we assume there’s something wrong with us and therefore, because we’re never going to go to a therapist (that’s far too self-indulgent), we assume we’ll be stuck this way forever – flabby and functioning somewhere south of our best. That of course jettisons us into the realms of knowing we’re not reaching our full potential in life and that brings along another set of problems, its own set of problems.
Round and round we go on possibly the world’s least fun merry-go-round. I mean we eat even though we’re feeling ill, we eat even though we’re not hungry, we eat the entire portion even though it’s huge, just so we don’t offend the chef (yikes, we’re nutty!). Throwing away leftovers is like, the worst thing imaginable. We’d sooner eat the leftover fish at 6am rather than (because we are going away and have to empty the fridge), chuck it out. We pick at food and eye up other people’s food and no matter how much we eat, we always want more.
So if any of that is ringing true then you, my sweet, are a compulsive eater. But don’t worry, because you know what? Most people are. The big bottoms and thick waistlines that are the norm in our society are proof of that, so don’t fret.
It’s all very fixable because the truth is, you are not like this for any other reason than force of habit. You are in the habit of overeating, that’s all. No biggie.
Your brain has wired itself up to think that if you don’t eat a third helping of spaghetti bolognese the sky will turn black and fall in. It’s a habit. Like taking your makeup off at night is a habit. It’s unfortunate that this particular habit has the side effect of big, bastard haunches strapped onto your side, but it’s still a habit, no less. The good news is, when you understand the full implication of this, you will be cured.
So strap in, get comfortable and let’s sort this once and for all because life’s too short to be spent handcuffed to food.
Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash