When people say they can “eat what they want and never gain weight”, do you know what they actually mean?
“I don’t want to eat very much”.
It seems so fucking obvious when you think about it, but to my younger self, whenever I’d hear somebody say that, I’d turn seaweed green with envy. I assumed what they meant was, they could eat whatever I wanted, and never put on weight. As in me. CB.
Because what I wanted to eat was burgers and pizzas and Mexican and that would be just my entree. And believe me, I could not do that and be thin. Hell no. Oh how I’d lament my “slow” metabolism. I wish I could stay thin, I only have to look at a chocolate bar and I balloon. Er, actually, CB, it’s not looking at chocolate bars that’s turning you into porky pig’s fatter cousin. If you were only looking, you wouldn’t have a problem.
But I couldn’t see that at the time because I was young and a fucking moron. To me, it wasn’t the 3-inch layer of butter I was putting on my toast that was the source of the problem. It wasn’t the endless snacking on poppyseed rolls filled with chicken mayo and lots of salt and pepper (I can still almost taste those mayonnaisy little fellas). I was just one of the unlucky ones, destined to be fat forever because I had not been blessed with the metabolism of a greyhound.
What a fool. I squandered my youthful glow being chubby and sweaty. Now I’m just sweaty.
Of course some people can eat what they want … the ones who want to eat, well, not too much. It’s not good genes and digestive machinery that’s keeping them trim, it’s a small appetite. I mean these people will actually choose to eat a tuna salad for lunch, AND THEY WON’T FEEL HARD DONE BY. They won’t even eat again until supper, I mean unless we’re talking about an apple perhaps. They’ll deliberately pass over scampi and chips at the pub for lunch in favour of a baked potato with cheese. They’ll actually do this.
They don’t look at meal times as an opportunity to stuff down as many carbs as they can reasonably get away with without looking greedy – and that is why they’re thin.
So, all I’m saying is, there’s no need to worry when you hear someone say they can eat what they want and never gain an ounce. There’s nothing wrong with you, and neither are you missing out on access to some magical, secret state of being where you can chow down as much as you like and stay looking like a runway model.
A reality where you can eat like that and be slender doesn’t exist. Nobody is routinely eating burgers at lunch and staying in shape – no one. To do that would be going against the laws of the universe which is (and I’m paraphrasing):
If you eat like a heffa, you look like a heffa. If you eat like a bird you look like a bird.
So let it go. Thin people are thin because they have no desire to eat until they can’t physically stuff one more mouthful down their pie-hole. Seriously, they’ll order a creamy plate of pasta, they’ll eat, like, 12 – ish bites, then just like that they’ll put their knife and fork together and leave whatever’s left for the bin. They won’t finish a plate of food just because it’s there. They eat until they’re full and then… stop. Then the kicker is, they don’t eat again until they’re hungry again.
Who am I trying to kid, I’m still jealous. Okay I can do it now – eat 12 bites of creamy pasta and slide my knife and fork together, pat my belly and enjoy a healthy feeling of fullness – but I wish I could have always done that. Then I might have got to enjoy wearing strappy very tops as a teenager instead of constantly looking for clothes that “flattered” (pro-tip: a bell bottom does much to streamline a thicker thigh).
Anyways, better late than never. And if you want me to show you how I do it, you get in touch. Life’s dull when spent with food issues.
Photo by Marisol CasBen on Unsplash